Posts tagged ‘Marty the Martyr’

February 9, 2010

Weekend Job

by bmiller445

I am poor. Not eat cat food poor, but more eat a lot of hot dogs and macaroni poor. I remember my parents used to tell stories about how poor they were when they first got married and I though “glad I won’t be poor like that.” Well little Billy, turns out you were a dumb arrogant little shit. So here I am just married, trudging away at my career at the bottom of the ladder and considering applying for a weekend job at Best Buy. When I’m older I’ll say “Kids when your Mother and I got married I had to work a second job at Best Buy on the weekends.” I’ll then kiss their creepy red heads and hopefully not head off to my weekend Best Buy job.

I think this could be entertaining though. I’m getting this job to pay off my credit card and car so that one day I can have adult things, like a house and those creepy red headed children. Opposed  to adult things like a credit card bill and a car payment. So, this second job isn’t a necessity simply a means to more quickly reach an end. It will be a job with no pressure and I have envisioned several scenarios as to how that can play out. (I have now copied the word “scenario” so spell check doesn’t yell at me every time I write it.)

Scenario 1: Zombie Attack

I always make sure I factor this scenario in first to every new situation I am presented with, it’s not if it’s going to happen, it’s when. I think Best Buy would be a pretty solid place to hold up. Sure there is the glass store front, but that usually stops zombies well enough, but allows the more selfless and courageous of the group to drive the bus through that will get you to the docks. Also there is plenty of entertainment so long as we have power and I imagine that would hold out for a few days, maybe a week and after it goes out I’ll turn to Marty the Martyr and send him out to get the bus. I think shotguns are standard issue for the Geek Squad guys too.

Scenario 2: The Deliverer of Knowledge

I’ll tell the employees what boobs feel like (jello eggs, remember those?)and become their king. They lift me up on high for granting them this knowledge more precious than that of fire. They will callme Billymetheus, write epic poems about me, and build temples in my reverence out of DVDs and Xboxes. Unfortunately this scenario ends with me being bound to a ping pong table forced to do power hours to bad 80s music and destroy my liver, only for it to soften at the beginning of the next hour and when ritual starts again.

Scenario 3: Hard Work and a Friendly attitude

I haven’t really thought this one through a lot as I figure the first two are much more likely.

Well maybe I’ll get the job and my post will stop being only vaguely related to technology and will actually be related to technology, I’ll truly earn the top billing that John randomly gave me when he created this site. I’ll write about things like microwaves, TVs, and cell thingies. I’ll have list and reviews comparing all these, and not microwaves to microwaves like John and the others do, but really to each other. You’ll finally get to compare microwave and cell thingies side by side and make an informed decision as to which you should purchase. (Spoiler: it depends what you want to do microwaves for cooking, cells for sexting.)

Billy

%d bloggers like this: