Why read? And especially why read this site?

by bmiller445

Reading is hard. You have to read and stuff and that can be tiring.So I thought I would help everyone back into the blog by giving some tips on how I do it.

Most of the time I enjoy reading from left to right. This is usually the best way to go about reading directionally speaking, though I have heard of other countries that do it other ways and I do mean heard. I’ve never read that, left to right, or otherwise. I also only do my reading in places where I can’t be watching TV like:

The bathroom
The library
Work
In Post Apocalyptic settings

This way I know I couldn’t have been spending my time on something I enjoy more.

Also I enjoy “reading between the lines” and making broad inferences. Take these lines from Wikipedia for instance:

In particle language, the constant Higgs field is a superfluid of charged particles, and a charged superfluid is a superconductor. Inside a superconductor, the gauge electric and magnetic fields both become short-ranged, or massive.

In my head this is nothing but a poorly veiled reference to sex. Whatever scientist (random guy) put this statement together obviously meant for us to get a little more out of that than can be seen at first glance. I know this because I scanned the sentences quickly without any comprehension, but saw the words superfluid and massive.

So that is how to read, but why should you read this site?

Well, what else are you going to do at work? Don’t say work, because that makes you a liar and Jesus cries. So if you can’t be playing games, watching TV, or messing with gadgets then you should be reading about those things so you can be ready to do them when you get home.

But why not read another, better site?

That is just a rude question and I don’t appreciate my asking it. Plus, those other sites give you herpes. Already have herpes? This site can cure it*.

So, new reader, read on just as I have taught you. And learn, learn about the things you love. (none of which being reading) To get you started I’ll write a couple of line below that you can practice reading between the lines.

Sister Mary Catherine checked to make sure the safety on her gun was off. She had cleaned it the night before, making sure every piece was oiled and ready. She wasn’t going to get burned again by a jammed 45. As bombay doors opened she imagined herself soaring across the sky raining fire from above, if only. From here out it was in God’s hands.

Billy

*This site cannot cure herpes.

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7 Comments to “Why read? And especially why read this site?”

  1. Billy FTW

    (For the record, I didn’t read the above… just scanned it and gave a vague reply that means nothing. Except for love of Billy)

  2. What is with that possibly related post? I’ve never seen that post, we’re not related.

  3. Billy, awesome. I laughed, then corrected some grammer and inappropriate things.

    • inappropriate! boo Kennedy I call censorship. That was not even an offensive joke. Simply a statement further exploring the undertones of the sexuality that the author obviously was intending the more skilled reader to understand. I dare you to hold that joke up to the masses and let it be judged. Not only do I feel that the statement was not made with the intent to the prurient interest in sex. (only to express the authors intent in such) and that is without even beginning to argue the serious literary, artistic, political and scientific value of the statement made. Shame on your Kennedy, Shame on you. And the fact that you cut that line and not the blasphemous reference to Jesus weeping says something about you.

  4. Mine will be an American Flag and it will stand for freedom of speech.

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